i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
