I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
