Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW