Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
