Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
30 People Reveal The Moment They Realized: ‘Oh Sh*t, I’m An A**hole’
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
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