WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
