So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
