The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
