hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
