I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Is Oprah even human
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He did a backflip because drugs
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
