Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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