It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
