If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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