I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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