Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
