im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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