no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
