How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
