i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she looked like the before picture.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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