i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
