come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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