3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
