you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
