So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
