I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Please don't give away my fajitas
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
