Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
