Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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