I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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