so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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