I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
PANTIES FOUND
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
