my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
