Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
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WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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