yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
