Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
