Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
