I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize