I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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