First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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