Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
