I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
