Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
