we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
