oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
