why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I need water and some morals