I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.