please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.