Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
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Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me