i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
