TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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