she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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