Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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