On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
