so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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