I think im going to throw up on grandma
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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