I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
