I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
