my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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