boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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