i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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