new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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