We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
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Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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