I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
