its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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