you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
