Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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