if i can run in heels then i can drive
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
