before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
only you would photoshop your dick
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
