All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
