does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
