see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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